"Get off your ath, let's do some math"

Today I took a math test. It was upsetting. I felt prepared to ace it but when I sat down to take it I drew a bland on functions I had been studying. I hope I got by enough do do well after test corrections. I know that Roger thinks that we don't study for test because we have test corrections but I did study!! I hate being a bad student. I feel as though I'm draining the class and that everyone thinks that I'm really dumb or lazy. I know that Roger's good opinion of me has worn off and that at this point I'm just a strain on his patients.
In case I haven't said it already I really need to pass this class. In reality I only need a quarter credit of math to graduate. I thought that I was set because I was told that the Brain Game sixth period could be applied towards Math but that was later denied by everyone who had miss led me (I'm not angry at them, just the situation). On top of that for almost two months I was taking Advanced Algebra while taking other Columbus State classes whose credits were required for my graduation. At that point I was still under the impression that my math credits were out of the way, so I concentrated (a hell of a lot of energy!) on passing French and English Comp thinking that I could put Math on the back burner. After I got a JB for my interim all the Senior Advisors freaked out because they thought I wouldn't graduate (much to my surprise). So I've had a month to bring up the grade that I thought I didn't need. On this last section I've done much better so hopefully with this next load of homework I'll have brought up my grade by enough to go to St. Croix for two weeks and still graduate.
I keep putting off talking to Roger about my grade standing but with this Friday I definitely need to talk to him and with all of my homework turned in I hope the conversation will be a positive one. Tomorrow I get to go to school for Math Study Hall to get some homework questions answered before I turn it in and ask at what time 3rd period is during Dos de Mayo.

Until next time...

Ummm...

I finally got in contact with my aunt in St. Croix. Her offer is still standing and I'm still welcome to stay with her in St. Croix for a couple weeks. She thinks that there isn't much to do in St. Croix and that I should develop my proposal a bit more. Apparently alot of historical sites and museums are closed during the off season (anytime that's not winter). She also suggested going to New York as an alternative. Alot of Cruzans move to New York and she thinks that I could maybe get some informative interviews. If it hadn't taken so long for my first proposal to fall through I may have considered going to both places getting first hand accounts from family members and having my own first hand experiences. Plus I have alot of family in New York with whom I could stay with and if I took the Greyhound to New York and had taken my flight out of Kennedy it probably would have been less expensive over all... Oh well.
It's getting down to the wire and I really need to get things rolling so I don't want to think about the possibility of New York. Although I'm uncertain about my walkabout I have to suck it up and go through with it or else I may end up someplace that I really wouldn't benefit from. I have a feeling that because what I plan on doing isn't a set program (like Morocco) and will be depending greatly on myself, I'm not going to be certain about much from here on out. Uncertainty seems to be the theme of my Senior Year.

Well, until next time...

Oh So Vague

So right now I'm trying to finish my walkabout proposal for St. Croix. The problem is that I cant get in contact with my aunt, who would be my mentor and my place to stay in St. Croix, (one of the downsides of refusing to get an email, answering machine or cell phone). I thought that the weekend would be the best time to get in contact with her but I guess not. I'll just have to try tomorrow morning and if that doesn't work set up a web of family members to tell her to call me. The more I write this proposal the more uncertain I get. First of all my budget is kind of vague, second of all I cant drive, and I don't know anyone in St. Croix who drives which means that I'll have to use the bus (which runs every 2 hours) and taxis (which is the main reason my budget is vague, I don't know how often I'd need a taxi or know their rates) and thirdly I was hoping for this to be a somewhat cultural experience but everything that isn't a museum or a tour labeled cultural happens either in the winter or the summer. I told Amy that I could get my proposal to her this weekend but now it might have to wait until Monday. This sucks.
Until further notice I plan on my trip lasting from May 9th until May 25th, two weeks. This also worries me because this seems like a pretty brief third quarter walkabout.
Anyway I have to keep trying my aunt before I finish my math homework.

Until next time...

Flouride, Financial Aid and Far to Much Money for Surgical Steel

Today I spent and exciting few hours at the dentists. My mom insists on scheduling doctors appointments, optometrist's visits and dental stuff on school holidays (every year my check up is on my birthday). I enjoy the dentist. I've had the same teeth cleaning person for the past I don't know how many years. We had a conversation about college and university size while she was cleaning my teeth (I also like that she made it a point to only ask yes or no questions while sharp things were in my mouth). I got a grape flavored fluoride treatment, it was delicious, I think next time I'll be adventurous and try for banana.
As I was saying I went to the dentist, then came home and finally got the piece of mail I've been waiting for for like a month; an admittance notice from DePaul! I got in!!! I also learned that I got a decent amount of financial aid despite my FAFSA being turned in like a month late, (although I probably would have gotten more had it been submitted on time). However because I'm out of state the cost of me attending is doubled. This sucks and means in addition to passing Advanced Algebra and doing walkabout stuff I get to apply to a buttload of scholarships. In addition to all of this I have to reply to their offer no later than May 1st giving me all of a week and a half to consider. I think this is a bit rushed especially because it took them almost three months to get back to me. Plus college is a big investment, even more so because I don't know how much money I'll get through scholarships.
After finding out that I was accepted to DePaul and basking in the light of a positively productive day I went to get my nose pierced with Jessi. This was fun up until the point that my piercer stuck the needle in my nostril, which was numbingly painful. I got a silver stud, it's alot bigger than I wanted it to be but I plan on downsizing once it heals to a decent extent. The piercing was free but the stud itself cost $23 (ever wonder how Modified Soul makes back what they loose in coupons donated to silent auctions... this is how). I wanted to buy some silver studs for my ears but not at that price, I think I'll wait and find some somewhere else, I've had my ears pierced for close to 18 years and don't need surgical steel or internally threaded jewelry, any risk of infection or scaring is pretty much over with at this point.
I thought my day was going downhill when I got a massive headache but then a friend of mine that I haven't spoken to in forever returned a Happy Birthday email I sent her (her birthday was on 4/20) and all was well again.
Anyway that was my day, nothing walkabout related happened but it was exciting none the less.

Until next time...

The Beautiful Letdown

So it looks like Morocco has fallen through. At the last minute I remembered that my family is poor and was really taking a huge leap to pay for my walkabout (even with half of it being paid for by various funds and scholarships). It was doable but at what cost? I didn't want my trip to be the reason that we couldn't get the car fixed over the summer when it will inevitable break down, or be the reason we would be unable to cope with any of the inevitable setbacks that the summer is bound to throw at us at the worst possible time (my mom doesn't work during the summer, one of the pit falls of being a substitute school librarian). I was really upset for about three hours after I came to this realization and walked from Graham to Whetstone and back to keep from crying on the bus.
Things have kind of gone down hill this weekend. My mom isn't taking to me (for reasons I don't think I can explain). This has kind of put my walkabout planning on hold for now. When I return to school I need to talk to Amy about whether or not any of my funding could be transfered to Plan B: St. Croix. I'm getting tired of my mom letting me in only to shut me out again. She's flaking out on me when need her most and with every passing day I'm getting angrier and angrier. It's not acceptable for me to at the way she's acting, why should it be acceptable for her? Damn that mirror.
Anyway my St. Croix Walkabout is like a quarter of the cost of Morocco so right now that's looking pretty good even if my mom doesn't talk to me for the rest of the year, I think I can get enough assistance through different funds and bugging my dad enough (who now that Morocco is completely out of the question tells me that he'd be able to pay for about a quarter of my trip) to pay my way into a comfortable walkabout experience.
Anyway I have better things to be doing right now than be crying over spilled milk, like watching South Park.

Until a hopefully brighter next time...

Finally A Breakthrough

Yay!!! I got some money for my walkabout awarded to me from the Assistance League. Waiting for the presentation was nerve racking. I missed the bus and had to ask my dad for a ride to school (which I felt bad for doing but had no other choice). I got to school about ten minutes early and waited nervously with Harmony in the hallway for a while (neither of us had any idea what this "presentation" entailed), then individually we were called to present. When I say present it was more like answering questions about my family and things that I've done during my time at The Graham School. This I liked, because it gave me less of an opportunity to make myself look dumb (which happens alot when I present). In the end everything went okay, I may have babbled a little too much and answered questions about my family inadequately but all in all I seemed to have left a good impression and in retrospect don't see too many incredibly embarrassing mishaps in my interview/ presentation. So now (in one day) I managed to get about a quarter of my trip paid for and a little more than half of the funds covered. Tomorrow I get to follow up call a Cross Cultural Solution representative who didn't have a definite answer to my enrollment date question that I asked today and afterwards I get to badger Amy about how to apply my funding to actual fees and get an idea about what's going on about the Walkabout Fund. So tomorrow should be pretty busy. Depending on how things go I'll either be definitely going to Morocco or definitely be going to St.Croix... Wish me luck!
In the past two days I feel as though I've gotten so much accomplished. I no longer feel idle. On the Advanced Algebra front I plan on staying at school after 3rd period and getting all caught up on math. Any questions I have I'll ask Roger after school. It's time I get this math grade under control, I don't want my interim grade to be hanging over me during my walkabout. I still have two weeks to bring up my grade but I'd rather be pretty much caught up this week and use the rest of my time before walkabout as an opportunity to boost my grade and really solidify my passing status. In the mean time I have some studying to do so I'll leave you here.

Until next time...

Anxiously Awaiting Tomorrow

I know I already posted today but then more important things that pertained more to walkabout happened, (I also thought it might help turn my blog back into a walkabout blog).
So a couple hours after my last post I finally had a full conversation about Morocco with my mom. I told her that tomorrow I was going to present my proposal to a committee to hopefully get some funding and asked her whether or not my proposal is "doable". She told me that to go through with my walkabout financially there would have to be alot of sacrifices, I (or she more like it) would be "putting all of her eggs in one basket". She conveyed to me her uncertainty about the program and how I'm going into this somewhat blindly (or blinded by the glossy photos and brochures of smiling African children and wise Peruvian women). So in a half hour she brought up many issues and valid questions that I hadn't even considered previously...

1. Are there any local affiliates that we can talk to about their personal experience with CCS, specially Morocco or otherwise?
2. Would a hijab be a required part of my attire?
3. What would by CCS volunteer community be like? Is community encouraged through activities and such or is everyone pretty much independent of each other?
4. What are race issues in Northern Africa?

In the end she said that having the traveling expenses paid for would be a huge burden lifted. She didn't give me the money marker between "doable" and "sacrifice" (did I mention that my mom hates talking about money and enjoys being as vague as possible) but at least I have a pretty definite (although not expressed verbally) "I need someone else to pay for your plane ticket to be able to afford this" but I have to be careful not to assume that this means that she can pay for the program fee.
I was online looking for the answers to some of the questions raised during our conversation when I found out that (on their website at least) the Morocco trip that I was planning for has been blocked out. I'm not sure what their procedure for the discontinuation of trip advertising is, does this mean that this trip is full or did they just stop advertising because they assumed anyone who would want the May 3rd trip would have contacted a representative by now? I'm anxiously awaiting 9:00 tomorrow so I can talk to a representative. If I can't go to Morocco I'll be really disappointed but not crushed. I can have such a great experience and have so many questions answered. However although not as exotic as Morocco St. Croix is really a pretty good alternative. I mean a West-Indian accent is as close to another language as you can get without assigning gender to nouns. And although I had hoped to connect my 3rd quarter walkabout to my 4th with the use of French in Morocco, the significance of genealogy research and cultural immersion in St Croix would be to help establish some kind of cultural identity before going off to college.

Anyway tomorrow everything will be decided and I'll finally have a definite walkabout, which be it Morocco or St. Croix I am really excited about!

Until next time...

Low Productivity

I missed math today (no fun) but I went to school anyway to talk to Amy about the Presentation on Thursday and to get some questions answered about my math homework (which of course would have been answered if I hadn't overslept and made it to class). Going into school makes me feel as though the day was a lot more productive than it really was, but not as productive as it could have been.
Waiting for the COTA I had a short yelling conversation with Ilseuk across Indianola (he was waiting for the COTA going in the other direction). Then a little girl with dread locks who lived in the house next to the COTA stop tried for 10 minutes to hold my attention with a combination of tricycle riding and hula hooping. She shouldn't be talking to people waiting for the bus. She was like six years old, its not safe, or maybe I'm just really paranoid.
I went to the library, bought a brownie, ate a brownie and encountered my first of three individuals and a carload to hit on me or ask me how old I am on my way home (a record number for me that I doubt will ever be duplicated) In some instances I'm glad that most people seem to think I'm in middle school, this way I can pass for 16 (which is usually my answer when I get hit on by creepy people, I get younger depending on the hitters age and creepiness).
Now I'm at home. I have a headache again, I had hoped that the brownie might have helped but it didn't.

Until next time ...

A Day of Firsts (Dr. Jekyll)

So I flew my first kite today, it was very fun and not as difficult as I thought it would be. After Senior Seminar Allison, Harmony, Rachel and I went to buy kites at Target to fly at Whetstone Park. I always find it odd when merchandise sold in the U.S. has the English translated into French, personne ne parle le français dans les États-Unis, (translation: Nobody speaks French in the US.) My poisson (fish) kite was the bomb, it was the only one that flew for more than a few seconds, a great deal at $4.99.

After school I got a call from Jessi asking me if I wanted to go to a concert tonight at 7:00. So I went and at 8:00pm at The Basement attended my first concert (that wasn't chamber music). Ludo was headlining but Pretty Balanced was opening for them. I remember Pretty Balanced from either The Graham School Carnival or Cinco de Mayo during Sophomore Year. They played in the parking lot with what I remember to be terrible acoustics. They were much better sounding in an enclosed space (great sounding in fact), I bought a CD which upon opening learned that Noah did the album art for. We had to leave before Ludo had even finished their first song but for what its worth the first minute and thirteen seconds of whatever song they were playing sounded awesome. As did the whole set of Liam and Me. I wonder does any music sound great so long as its being blasted in your ear to the point of temporary deafness? Whatever the answer maybe I'm grateful for the experience. I have an eye/ ear/ headache so I'm going to go try and sleep it off ( in a grateful manner, of course).

Until next time...

Money and Means (Mr. Hyde)

So right now things are looking good for Morocco (kind of). On Thursday I'm supposed to present to a couple of committees for walkabout funding. I hope that my travel expenses might be funded. I'm worried that this walkabout might be beyond my families means. My mom and I have this unspoken "don't talk about money thing" so naturally she hasn't talked to me about funding this walkabout that she's encouraged me to take. So now I have to badger her into talking to me about money and means.
I talked to my dad about my proposed walkabout and learned that he strongly opposes me going to Morocco. He wants me to stay with what's familiar and go to St. Croix. I lost my patients with him and ended the conversation by shouting, " Walkabout is the reason I stayed at the Graham School, it's the reason I stuck it out and now you want me to stay with what's familiar? I've been looking forward to a walkabout like this since I first toured Graham and learned what walkabout is." Then it was quiet and I felt ashamed of myself (but didn't apologize). Yes, a kick ass Walkabout was the reason I chose The Graham School but as time wore on I found other reasons to stay. He keeps on saying (and has said since he first learned about walkabout) that any money I would be spending would be better used towards college. Well first off, the cost of my walkabout isn't going to even put a chip in my college expenses and secondly don't talk to me about college expenses, you who doesn't feel motivated to help me with that in the slightest. I hate this, let's change the subject...

(I don't want this negativity to spoil the rest of my journal so I'm going to write a separate one for the good things that happened today)

Tired Ramblings

So I don't really have anything interesting to say but seeing as I have to have three blogs entries a week I thought I'd post. If you (reader) have anything better to do than read this post please do it because reading this is probably a waste of your time. It's cold outside... My room is pretty warm but I feel bad for my brother. Our windows are many decades old and need replacing. In his room you can see the shades breathe in and out with each gust of wind.
This past week I made a poster board display for my moms library(she's a substitute librarian for Columbus Public Schools). It turned out okay, the slogan is "This Season... Spring into Reading". It took forever to finish. It took me two hours to cut the grass, let alone the rest of the display. The end result was pleasing and way better than all of the other teachers displays that were put up at the beginning of the year and have been slowly picked apart by careless elementary school kids...
Thursday I saw the return of my reason for living through the week... NBC's Thursday Night Line Up. Oh Scrubs, The Office and 30 Rock how I've missed you.
Tonight I had my first pancake in 4 years. It was pretty good. I had to make it from scratch (which wasn't nearly a hard as I thought it would be). Because I'm lactose intolerant I had to used lactose free milk and because I'm allergic to yolk I only used egg whites. The finished product was pretty good. Because there was no yolks to hold the pancake together they were kind of crumbly but their fluffiness made up for that (I sifted the dry ingredients).
Tomorrow I intend on doing something that's even better than pancakes (if that's possible). i just need to figure out what that is. I finished reading a few books I borrowed from the library that Eva recommended like a year ago so I might go and buy them, they were really good. I loved both Lolita and One Hundred Years of Solitude (Oh the intrigue!). I liked Of Love and Other Demons but not as much as the others. The Library doesn't carry The Magic Toyshop (another Eva recommendation) so I have to decide whether or not I'm willing to buy it from Barnes and Noble on with the blind faith that Eva's literary taste matches mine. Maybe I'll ask around or make an announcement at school asking if anyone would lend it to me to read, maybe Amy has a copy.
Anyway I'm cold so I'm going to end this post (the computer is in Cole's room right in front of the window and I can feel its breeze).

Until next time...

Ugh...

I felt really crappy today so I didn't go to 6th period to get help with math or do any of the things I had set out to do today. I wish I were feeling better, it was so nice outside, tomorrow it's supposed to rain... Ugh...
Yesterday was fun, I went to math class, ran into Harmony and enjoyed a lazy afternoon at the park with her Rachel and her dad. I tried Jones Organic Tea for the first time, it was good, very subtle but good none the less. When I got home I unintentionally broke Cole's full length mirror. That cant be good, what a bad time to have seven years of bad luck, that's essentially my early twenties. Is a broken mirror still bad luck if it was unintentional? At least now if something bad happens to me I'll know its cause, its not my incompetence, it's the mirror I'm telling you...

Roger:"Jordan you've been absent 60% of the class days, I'm going to have to fail you."
Jordan: "Damn that mirror!!" (my fist in the air in the fashion of old overacted movies)

OR

Mom:"Jordan you're 22, you're not in school, you have no job, all you do is sit around your room smoking pot, I'm going to have too throw you out"
Jordan: "Damn that mirror"(in a dazed a confused sort of way)

OR

Jordan: "What, my debit card has been denied due to lack of funds!! Damn that mirror."

OR

Dear John Letter: "We regret to inform you that you didn't score high enough to qualify for MENSA."
Jordan: "Damn that mirror"

The effects of the broken mirror have already begun to take effect, I broke the mirror last night and today I feel crappy.

In walkabout news, I revised my Morocco proposal last night and emailed it to James. I think it's a little better now, I got some questions answered and narrowed some things down, now it more resembles a proposal rather than a vague idea. I have a back up walkabout proposal, walkabout scholarship, along with college stuff to turn in tomorrow. That said I'll leave you here.

Until next time...

Flighty Proposition

So my mom just called me out on a flighty walkabout proposal I wrote for a Cross- Cultural Solutions trip to Morocco. The problem is that there were no "I'm definitely doing this" and instead there were alot of "Well, I may do this, or this or this". So tomorrow I have to call the information center and badger details of what I will be doing in Morocco and turn in a revised proposal to James. So far I'm under the impression that nothing is definite until you enroll, which in itself is $275, and because of the CCS terms and conditions because I'm enrolling less than 60 days before departure I'd have to pay the full program fee upfront (which is alot). Seeing as I have no real definites my Proposal serves as more of a general idea that a tangible proposal, but what more can I give? I'll see tomorrow.
In other news I got in contact with my aunt and she said that it would be okay if I stayed with her in St. Croix in the event that this Morocco thing falls through.