Senioritis

I feel as though I've wasted my senior year, I honestly don't think I'd be too disappointed if I don't graduate this year, it would give me a chance to redo everything. I don't really know whether or not I want to go to college directly after high school or I want to take a gap year. I'm not that excited about the prospect of studying another 4 years without a break. I'm tired of school. I think that with a gap year I could put things into perspective, grow up a bit and go to college in 2009 with a real purpose for going and a skip in my step, I would be going because I want to go not because it's what is expected of me. On the other hand although I'm not excited about going to college, many of the the colleges I applied to gave me pretty good financial aid packages and I'm not sure whether or not they will transfer over if I postpone attendance for a year.
Of course my mom on one hand thinks I should go to college immediately, but on the other hand doesn't think that I'm ready to live and go to school independently and I have to agree with her, I'm staking tens of thousands of dollars on the premise that I'll wake up to go to class in college when I can't seem to do that for math class at the Graham School.
I try to take advice from my mom seriously (mostly because I've grown to realize that she's usually right) but she went to college for speech pathology and realized three years into her education that she wasn't interested at all in speech pathology and almost dropped out when the women of our family sat her down and convinced her that she only had 1 more year to go and that it would be a waste to throw away three years tuition at a private college without getting a degree. She stuck it out and hasn't done anything related to speech pathology since.
My dad (who doesn't seem to really care about whether I take a gap year) went to college for theatre, got a masters in African American studies and has worked as a mail handler for the past 20 plus years (although I must credit him for several plays that he acted in on the side during his employment at the United States Postal Service). My point being why rush into what's expected of me? My parents did and now aren't doing anything near what they spent all of that money in college to become. I've wasted enough money and tested the limits of acceptability and I want to make an investment in something that I'm certain about, especially something as big as college.
Well if I take a Gap Year I either want to find somewhere where I can work on my French while still being of service to people, although the French is a little bit self serving, I have the opportunity to do something great and don't want to waste it like I did my senior year. At the very least I'll have fluency in French to show for my work for a year and at the very most a years worth of great experiences and connections made for aid work during and after college. Maybe if I work and study over the summer I can find a really cool gap year paid for by myself. It would be really nice not to have my parents pay for it.
I talked to Mary for the first time at Graham today. She's a really nice person and really understanding. She asked my about my walkabout and college and I kind of unloaded my doubts onto her. She said that I shouldn't feel unaccomplished and that although my walkabout is only two weeks long and kind of rushed I should take what I can get and get the most out of any experience. Thats' just what I'm going to do with this upcoming month, get as much out of it as I can, and we'll put college on hold (I find it to be a distraction).

Until next time...